I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
