I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
