Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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