I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
