Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
