Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
