Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
