I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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