Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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