You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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