I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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