How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
