i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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