omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
