I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
