id be glad to
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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