the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
