I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
