just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
