Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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