I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
