I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize