I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
So squirting runs in the family.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize