Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Found your dick twin last night
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
