Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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