3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
