I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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