so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
