My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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