if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
