Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Randomize
