listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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