Pants 0. Shit 1.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
