She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
pop tarts are not kleenex
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
