just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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