I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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