I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
