Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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