farters have to be the big spoon...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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