This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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