All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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