My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
