I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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