meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
