You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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