is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
