Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
