Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
