I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize