There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
