Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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