He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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