if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
