Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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