I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
