I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
