saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
