Duck Duck Cougar?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
