so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
