my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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