I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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