Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
