Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Randomize
