i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
