She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she smelled like a LAN party
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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