he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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