Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
