it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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