sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
