And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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